Staff Reports
Joe Biden has reemerged from his COVID hideaway, proving that he hasn’t slipped the surly bonds of Earth just yet. The president spent several days MIA, and not in the cool, elusive way that presidents sometimes do, but more like he was in a bad horror movie where nobody knows if the protagonist is really alive or just animatronic. His absence was particularly noticeable after he announced his departure from the 2024 race on Sunday, a decision so hasty it might as well have come with a “sorry, folks” banner and no fanfare at all.
On the same day, Biden dialed into Kamala Harris’ campaign event. The call raised eyebrows—not because he was participating, but because he sounded like he’d just auditioned for the role of a zombie extra in the next big horror flick. The speech was predicted for later that night, but his phone call had everyone speculating that he might actually be auditioning for a role as a voice actor for a character who’s several sandwiches short of a picnic.
BREAKING: Joe Biden just called into the event that Kamala is having at her new campaign headquarters.
This is the first time anybody has heard or seen from him in 5 days.
He sounds terrible. pic.twitter.com/ZI25X0M2Nu
— Greg Price (@greg_price11) July 22, 2024
While Biden’s absence from the public eye seemed odd on its own, it became even weirder when some social media sleuths began piecing together the timeline of his Nevada trip where he was supposed to speak at an event for UnidosUS. A sudden closure of roads due to a supposed medical emergency suggests things were a tad more serious than just a mild case of the sniffles. Local law enforcement reportedly scrambled to deal with what had all the makings of a five-alarm emergency, all while the president, clad in his best “let’s-not-go-there” expression, was hustled to an airport instead of a hospital like some political variant of musical chairs.
Eyewitness accounts from detectives mixed with whispers in the press hint at a potential mini-stroke, or as the experts say, a transient ischemic attack. One thing is certain: the episode mobilized a significant number of law enforcement personnel. It turned what should have been a standard campaign appearance into an operation that made the final scene in an action movie look mundane. While reporters from big names like The New York Times and BBC kept mum on the potential medical emergency, it’s hard not to draw attention to the stark contrast in Biden’s performances—one day, he’s showing off his energy and the next, he’s dialing in for what sounds like a competent impersonation of a bedridden retiree.
Reactions to Biden’s sudden plunge from a campaigning president to a convening ghost have run the gamut in conservative circles. Fans of the reality show that is modern-day politics have noted that the strangeness of the past few days stands starkly against the backdrop of his recent debate performance against Donald Trump, where Biden’s rapid decline was painfully evident. The swirling questions about his health and capability only amplify the chaotic atmosphere surrounding his hasty exit from the 2024 race, leaving everyone wondering just how much longer he can muddle through the political theater without a sensible narrative.
As the dust settles on Biden’s bizarre week, it seems that the curtain is drawing closed on an administration that’s fumbling for the light switch. Whether it’s the looming specter of a mini-stroke or just another chapter in the Biden saga marked by questionable public appearances, one thing is clear: the White House’s attempts to control the narrative around the president’s health will continue to provide fodder for late-night comedians and politically-minded pundits alike. And let’s be honest, what’s politics without a little drama?
