Staff Reports
The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has sounded the alarm once again, this time over a terrifying outbreak of Salmonella infections that has spread like wildfire! It’s like a game of Salmonella Bingo, and you definitely don’t want to win! But of course, Leave it to the CDC to be the bearer of bad news on Black Friday! You can picture the CDC as the gloomy raincloud on an otherwise sunny day, ready to spoil everyone’s picnic with their doom and gloom predictions. With their slick, expect a report that’s about as much fun as a root canal.
Fatal Fruit: ‘Wake-Up Call’ Infectious Outbreak Crosses Border, New Death Confirmed via @gatewaypundit https://t.co/FSswe925sV
— The Gateway Pundit (@gatewaypundit) November 26, 2023
Just when folks thought it couldn’t get any worse, the CDC announced that the number of impacted individuals had doubled within mere days, and now the issue has smeared its sticky fingers across 32 states. Good grief! That’s probably more coverage than the Kardashians get! The CDC must be working overtime to track down all these Salmonella bugs. They’re like the Nancy Drews of foodborne illnesses!
But the hits just keep on coming! 28 more poor souls have been rushed to the hospital, bringing the total to 45 hospitalizations. It seems like this outbreak isn’t just knocking on the door, it’s barging in like an uninvited guest at a dinner party. Someone should tell this Salmonella outbreak to get lost! And the cherry on top? Two tragic deaths have been linked to this treacherous outbreak. It’s like a horror movie, but unfortunately, it’s all too real.
The Canadians have also been hit with this raw deal. Their Public Health Agency reported one death and 63 confirmed cases of Salmonella. Canada, we always thought of you as America’s kind, maple syrup-loving neighbor, but now you’re just like us with your own scary Salmonella outbreak! It’s like a frenemy situation.
But wait, it gets juicier! The CDC is pointing fingers at cantaloupes as the possible culprit. So, look out for those sneaky, contaminated cantaloupes lurking in your fruit basket! The recall list features a variety of cantaloupe brands, and it’s just a real cantaloupe-y situation. Some of them are even from Mexico. That’s right, folks — these cantaloupes may have come from south of the border! And isn’t that just a fine mess?
Now, some fancy-pants doctor is sounding the alarm about how little control the U.S. has over produce from other countries. He’s saying it’s like the Wild Wild West out there, and the U.S. needs to wrangle in the food safety regulations to avoid these sticky situations. Perhaps we need to build a wall around our produce section. That’ll keep those pesky cantaloupes out!
The CDC advises that symptoms of a Salmonella infection include diarrhea (potentially bloody), fever, stomach cramps, nausea, vomiting, or a headache. You might as well call it the “Kitchen Sink” virus because it seems like it throws everything at you but the kitchen sink! And let’s not forget — this thing can hit you like a freight train in as little as six hours!
The CDC is still on the case, but let’s face it, folks, this situation is bad news bears. Until all these rotten cantaloupes are corralled, it might be best to steer clear of the fruit aisle altogether. Yikes!
