Staff Reports
Benny has seen a lot from his perch in Washington, D.C., particularly when it comes to political fundraising. You know, the world where efficient money laundering is somehow amicably called “donations”? Well, grab a snack because Benny has a tale that’ll make you laugh and cringe at the same time. You see, all political fundraising is a scam, but some of the shenanigans happening right now are comic gold.
Let’s start with Carrie Alberty, a 79-year-old who lives in a rent-controlled apartment outside Richmond, Virginia. The kind of sweet ol’ lady you’d expect to see knitting in a park. However, it turns out Carrie has allegedly donated an eye-popping amount of $1 million to Democrats since 2019! Yes, you read that right. This is a lady who barely pays $2,000 a month in rent—yet she’s suddenly a major Democratic donor? If that doesn’t sound like an episode of “How to Con a Granny,” then what does? With nearly 22,000 donations in just under 500 days, one has to wonder if someone is using her identity for a secret Democrat hustle. It smells a lot like fraud, doesn’t it?
Then we’ve got Kamala Harris’s campaign fund, which has confused “deficit spending” with “let’s keep snatching money from our supporters.” Even after her presidential ambitions took a nosedive, her joint fundraising committee kept charging supporters for recurring donations. Imagine seeing charges on your credit card every month for a campaign that’s deadlier than a roadkill raccoon. Many donors find this practice salt in their wounds after a bitter defeat. Let’s just say if there were a contest for shady fundraising tactics, Harris would be in the running for first place—provided they didn’t have to pay an entry fee!
But wait, there’s more! Enter Gavin Newsom, California’s governor and resident grifter extraordinaire. In what many are calling the epitome of “low,” Gavin used the tragic California wildfires as a platform to direct donations through his campaign’s fundraising site. This isn’t just poor taste; it’s practically a masterclass in how to capitalize on misery. While lives were being lost and homes destroyed, Newsom was busy funneling funds into his Democratic wallet. Instead of sending help, he ensured that a piece of every donation went to ActBlue, which then took a cut faster than a discount butcher on sale day. Was this a fundraiser for wildfire relief or a slick move to keep those campaign coffers full? One could only laugh at the audacity if it weren’t so utterly offensive.
Adding fuel to the wildfire (pun intended), Elizabeth Warren has also faced blowback for a similar stunt. Her suggested donation route wasn’t going to charity but rather straight through ActBlue. So instead of aiding the fire victims effectively, she was giving herself a little cash boost while pretending to be charitable. This takes “political opportunism” to a level where even the most hardened journalists would reach for a drink after reporting it.
The bottom line here is that Democrats seem to be drinking from the same wells of shady fundraising practices. The glaring hypocrisy and sheer volume of unscrupulous behavior would make a perfect comedy special about modern politics. While they’re telling us they’re the party of the people, they’re busy cleaning up on donations that look more and more like a breach of trust. So, folks, the next time you hear a politician talk about transparency and integrity in fundraising—make sure you remember the names of those who are really running their “donation operations.” It’s all a big show, and for once, the punchline is pretty hard to miss.
