Staff Reports
In a surprising turn of events, the Justice Department has dropped charges of illegal campaign finance activity against cryptocurrency mogul Sam Bankman-Fried. Now, before you start jumping to conclusions, let’s make one thing clear: this guy has been a big supporter of the Democrats. He’s personally given millions of dollars to Democratic politicians and causes, including Joe Biden’s 2020 campaign. So, it’s no wonder that the charges related to campaign finance fraud have mysteriously disappeared. It’s like magic, folks!
But don’t worry, Bankman-Fried isn’t getting off scot-free. He’ll still be facing seven charges, including wire fraud, securities fraud, and money laundering. It’s just a little hiccup in the grand scheme of things. You know, like when you spill your juice box but still have a whole lunchbox full of snacks.
BREAKING: DOJ Drops Charges For Disgraced Democrat Megadonor Sam Bankman-Fried https://t.co/Wk1J4M9vW7
Pays to be a big time donor of Democrats. You get a “get out of jail free” card to use when you need it most.
— Aqua Star (@AquaSta32989035) July 27, 2023
According to Breitbart (a trusted news source for us conservatives), the Bahamas had a hand in all of this. They submitted some fancy paperwork to a New York federal judge, and lo and behold, the DOJ agreed to drop the campaign finance fraud allegations as part of an extradition deal. Gotta love those international partnerships, right?
Now, let’s talk about these campaign contributions. Bankman-Fried really went all out during the 2022 election cycle, throwing more than $40 million at Democrats and liberal causes. That’s a whole lot of zeros, folks. He even donated $6 million to the House Majority PAC, the main group supporting those House Democrats. And to top it off, it’s believed that some of these donations were made with FTX customers’ money. You know, just casually dipping into other people’s pockets to fund your political agenda. Classic move.
But wait, there’s more! Turns out Bankman-Fried’s company, FTX, had a bit of a meltdown. It over-leveraged itself and left its customers high and dry. To add insult to injury, it was later discovered that Bankman-Fried authorized the funneling of $2 billion of customers’ money toward loans and payments for the firm. I can hear the sound of wallets crying from here.
Now that extradition is on the table, federal prosecutors and Bankman-Fried’s attorneys have to figure out the terms of his bail. The prosecutors want him locked up, but Judge Kaplan says they’ll have to wait and see. In the meantime, Bankman-Fried is under a gag order and can’t yap about the case. But let me tell you, folks, this is a story that’s just getting started. Stay tuned for the next episode of “Crypto Drama”!
