Staff Reports
The latest presidential debate has not only served as a catalyst for a candidate’s demise but has become a circus act worth tuning into for any American with an inkling of political savvy. As the dominoes begin to tumble, it appears that the Democrats are out for a complete organizational makeover. Enter the new contender: a young, ambitious DEI hire, perfectly suited to coast through the campaign on nothing but ambition and a heartbeat—though competency may still be in the shop for repairs.
Just weeks after the Democratic National Committee audibly pulled the plug on Joe Biden’s campaign (a fitting decision for a man whose cognitive abilities have suffered more lapses than a reality show contestant), the match-up looms large: Donald Trump vs. Kamala Harris. The fate of two parties rests in their hands, and what better way to set the stage than by pitting the man who never shies from controversy against a woman known for her uncanny ability to dodge uncomfortable questions—much like a matador elegantly sidestepping a rampaging bull.
Since tonight's debate is for entertainment purposes only…here's something to make it even more entertaining…PICK YOUR BINGO CARD pic.twitter.com/vEsSTK87RX
— Jennifer Antonelli Davis (@Jennife33131171) September 10, 2024
Kamala has been foreshadowed to repeat her signature moment, clinging to the remnants of “I’m speaking!” as if it were her lifeline. Feminists everywhere will hold their breath in anticipation, hoping for another performance that shatters ceilings—though whether those ceilings will be made of glass or simply thin air remains to be seen. As she chuckles her way through the night, completely sidestepping the issues, Trump will take the opportunity to remind everyone of her infamous flip-flopping on fracking, a policy faux pas that is sure to haunt her in a state that could practically be called the Natural Gas Embassy, also known as Pennsylvania.
When it comes to energy policies, Kamala’s about-face on fracking is like an elephant dressed in a tutu trying to blend into a room of ballerinas. Once a fervent advocate for extreme climate actions through the far-left Green New Deal, she now avoids discussing her past stances faster than she blitzes through difficult topics in a debate. As Keystone voters hold the mighty energy industry close to their hearts, they are unlikely to forget her previous attempts at placing stringent bans on fracking, which threatens their livelihoods, all for the sake of some far-flung climate idealism.
On the flip side, Kamala is suddenly touting Trump-esque border policies while conveniently forgetting her four years as the Biden administration’s border czar. With her uncanny ability to rebrand herself as a centrist just in time for crucial swing state votes, one has to wonder if she thinks hopping on the “Build The Wall” bandwagon will win her some clout. It’s rich to observe how quickly she has pivoted from vehement opposition to outright embrace when the political winds shift.
Trump, meanwhile, stands poised to deliver a performance worthy of a reigning champion. He has the opportunity not only to land punches but also to poke fun at Kamala for trying to co-opt his signature slogans, leaving audiences entertained and bewildered. As bizarre headlines about Haitian nationals overrunning small towns and even snacking on the local fauna swirl in the background, one can expect Trump to take the opportunity to remind America why his calls for border security are so essential.
Philadelphia is set to become the battleground for this epic showdown, and with Trump stepping into the ring for the third time, audiences can brace for what will undoubtedly be an unforgettable debate night. For any watchers searching for entertainment, consider crafting a BINGO card to enhance the evening. The stakes are high, and the laughter might just save souls as the final results loom ahead. Bonus points if Trump drops a cheeky reference to Hannibal Lecter or if Kamala decides to lay an unexpected coconut. Now that would be a debate for the ages.
