Staff Reports
The U.S. Capitol Police were not messing around on Wednesday afternoon when they heard about a potential security threat at the Russell Senate Office Building. They swarmed the area faster than a hungry squirrel snatching up an acorn and wasted no time in locking down the place and getting people out of harm’s way.
It all started when someone made a 911 call that raised some eyebrows. The police jumped into action, urging everyone to stay away from the area while they figured out what was going on. They’ve been keeping the public in the loop with regular updates, because unlike some people (*cough* mainstream media *cough*), they actually care about keeping us informed.
Our officers are searching in and around the Senate Office Buildings in response to a concerning 911 call. Please stay away from the area as we are still investigating. We will continue to communicate with the public here. pic.twitter.com/vqCY0I7u8m
— The U.S. Capitol Police (@CapitolPolice) August 2, 2023
Now, the details are still a bit fuzzy, but according to a reporter from the most fair and balanced news network, Fox News, this might just be a “mental health” crisis. Well, that’s just great. As if we didn’t have enough crazy people running around these days. But hey, at least it’s not an active shooter situation, right? Silver linings, people.
Meanwhile, over at the Capitol building, things were slightly less chaotic. While the Russell building was being evacuated faster than a toupee in a hurricane, the Capitol building itself remained on high alert. After all, you can never be too careful these days.
Thankfully, this whole mess happened during the August recess, so most of our hardworking lawmakers were off doing who knows what. But there were still some staff members hanging around, probably catching up on their Sudoku puzzles or whatever it is they do when the boss isn’t around. The important thing is that everyone is safe and sound, thanks to the quick actions of the Capitol Police.
As the investigation continues, we can rest assured knowing that the Capitol Police are doing everything they can to keep us safe. And hey, if we’re lucky, maybe they’ll catch the person behind this and bring them to justice. Fingers crossed, folks. Fingers crossed.
