Staff Reports
In the grand and ever-colorful circus that is American politics, there’s a new act stealing the spotlight: James Comey, the former FBI director. Who knew the man now spends his days on beach walks, doodling cryptic messages in the sand? Yes, you read that right, folks. No longer satisfied with the simple pleasure of wearing FBI T-shirts or sipping suspiciously milky coffee, Comey has taken to crafting ominous shell formations on the shores, because, when you’re not running the FBI, and your spy games have puttering to a halt, this is the next best thing.
Now, let’s step back a moment. What exactly is causing this latest uproar? Well, Comey decided to share a snapshot of his seaside creativity—spelling out the number 8647. If history is any guide, those are not just random numbers to be dismissed idly by. Apparently, 86 is restaurant slang for nixing an item off the menu, and as colorful as our American lingo is, it can also ominously mean “to kill” or “to eliminate.” Add the number 47, relating to President Trump’s would-be next term, and you have a recipe for scandal, theft of attention greater than the Kardashians can muster on any given Tuesday.
The buzzing bee’s nest of reactions came buzzing, including the likes of Don Jr., suggesting Comey’s beach art was a call to action to silence his father, permanently. It seems playing tic-tac-toe might be a better option next time, James, because this shell stunt has drummed up more drama than a soap opera wedding episode. Now, it’s not every day you have former national security advisors suggesting prison measures might be required for another ex-FBI figure. Who knew beachcombing could become such a serious national pastime?
The entire internet is ablaze at the notion that the former FBI head might be subtly calling for the assassination of the 47th president. That sure raises eyebrows higher than one can slick their hair up with extra-hold gel. Back in the day, you’d think twice before jumping on social media with such antics. Those were simpler times, my friends, where pigeon messages left more to the imagination than an ambiguous Instagram post ever could.
In this narrative, Comey has been given a metaphorical roasting, up and down the online echo chamber. From former politicians and pundits to equivalent diners across the media landscape—everyone’s taking a stand. The demand? Arrest and investigate James Comey for his sandy semaphore.
Perhaps, just perhaps, Mr. Comey should hang up his beach whims. Maybe write another book, take up knitting, or invest in a new hobby that doesn’t involve potential political implications. Either way, the world is watching, and in these pages of turmoil, the drama will only amplify till someone shakes the sands from James Comey’s shoes and lets those waves wash it all away. Or not. Either way, stay tuned—nothing fancy here, just your run-of-the-mill daily dose of melodrama from the theater of politics.
