Staff Reports
House Republicans have successfully crafted a new spending bill that aims to prevent the dreaded government shutdown, proving once again that political negotiations can be as thrilling as a rollercoaster ride in a haunted house. After an unsuccessful attempt to sell a 1,574-page continuing resolution that sent even seasoned lawmakers scrambling for their reading glasses, the GOP reassured anxious taxpayers with this latest agreement. Who knew that avoiding a shutdown would require so many pages and so many late-night meetings?
Former President Donald Trump, ever the outspoken critic of Washington’s insatiable spending habits, happily endorsed the new deal. It seems that the new measures have been finely tuned to trim the fat left over from the earlier bill while retaining vital components like a clean farm bill extension and disaster aid. Forget about the months Washington wasted on bureaucratic fluff; it’s all about practical solutions now.
The “Do nothing” Congress fails again
"The bill is not passed."U.S. House new government funding bill, 174-235.
House now in recess subject to the call of the chair.
— MC (@musicitydp) December 20, 2024
The orchestration of the agreement took place inside Speaker Mike Johnson’s office, where two GOP lawmakers finally greeted some good news in a climate often filled with squabbling. While Congress members were probably busting out their party hats in celebration, House Democrats were left wondering where they missed the memo. The deal supposedly ensures government funding through mid-March, extends health care provisions, and (drumroll, please) suspends the debt limit until January 2027. Who would have thought that pushing the debt limit into the future would become a beloved feature of a spending bill? Taking advice from the crystal ball of fiscal responsibility, perhaps?
Republicans have eagerly hustled this here initiative, dubbed the American Relief Act of 2024, onto the legislative poker table. They clearly hope the bill’s robust features will be enough to win over wary Americans. The plan includes $110 billion for disaster aid—a generous handout for those recovering from natural disasters—and a timely reassurance for the agricultural community. Trump celebrated the newfound unity in Congress, noting that keeping the government open is paramount for the American people (and for the farmers who grow their food, of course).
Surprisingly, a couple of controversial provisions intended to boost lawmakers’ salaries were cut faster than last quarter’s budget surplus. Could it be that there’s still some shred of common sense left in Washington? The enthusiasm over the new deal is palpable, mostly because Republicans are praying their latest brainstorm won’t be an effective hodgepodge of ‘more-meh’ rather than ‘more-yes.’
Now, as for the Democrats, a worrisome silence surrounds their reaction to this fresh deal. With House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries signaling a “hard pass” on raising the debt ceiling, it remains uncertain how their members will respond to the proposal. This disconnect only amplifies the Republican mantra that they are keenly aware of what the American people want, while the Democrats remain trapped in a cage of their own rhetoric. With votes implied and negotiations concluded, the stage is set for a thrilling evening of congressional drama. Will they or won’t they? Tune in tonight for the spectacle of bipartisan decision-making—if that’s still a thing.
