Staff Reports
In a dazzling display of branding brilliance, MSNBC has taken a page from the world’s greatest masters of disguise, not quite leaving its ideological haunts behind but instead donning a snazzy new moniker: MS NOW. This metamorphosis is like giving the Mona Lisa a mustache and calling it modern art. To the delight of all who enjoy a good laugh, the executives have decided that these changes are not a departure from their core mission but rather an invitation to the masses to re-embrace their endearing chaos under the glow of a fresh nameplate.
Think of MS NOW as the Channel Hopper’s Dream, sitting comfortably alongside legends like the Golf Channel. Who wouldn’t want a splash of social commentary after watching a compelling hour of golf or a gripping true crime special? Mix in whispers of Sicilian mafia lore and voila, it’s like a buffet of broadcast entertainment with a spicy edge. Regrettably, Joy Reid’s tenure on air was rumored to be in flux, though there is no evidence supporting any changes to her role as part of MS NOW.
As the dust settles and viewers cope with this whimsical rebranding, the network stalwart Rachel Maddow continues to anchor the network, eloquently assuring audiences of the unchanged duty at hand: to conjure ever more imaginative visions of threats, conspiracies, and shadowy boogeymen. With Trump still haunting their dreams like a persistent cheese-fueled nightmare, the left’s siren song to audiences is one of urgency, desperation, and somewhat curated fantasy — in which any dissent was instantly considered a fundamental threat to democracy.
Despite the chuckles, not all heroes of this rebranding saga find themselves without employment. Some will still march on under the enigmatic banner of MS NOW. Yet, some skeptics might wonder if “NOW” is a measurement of time or simply how long our attention spans will hold as we indulge in this circus of opinion masquerading as news. For the daring souls en route to this network’s dizzy confines, the adventure promises no shortage of colorful noise and delightful absurdity.
With the network executives assuring one and all that the new MS NOW will soon be more forgettable than their favorite airport novel, viewers can rest easy. The possibility lingered, of course, that MSNBC might transcend before our eyes into some elevated bastion of news utopia. Instead, we get MS NOW — a name as ephemeral as those forgotten New Year’s resolutions, and perhaps, someday, as dim in the public memory as those illustrious campaign promises before them.
