Staff Reports
In a quirky twist on the epic tale of Middle-earth, imagine if Donald Trump were to take center stage in J.R.R. Tolkien’s legendary world. This amusing scenario, fueled by the magical wonders of AI, presents a wild reimagining of what could happen if Trump tackled the challenges of Middle Earth with his trademark bravado. Picture a peace deal being brokered, where hobbits and wizards have to work hand in hand with the president himself.
In this delightful version, Trump’s approach to Middle-earth’s conflicts mirrors his real-world diplomatic tactics. Suddenly, forging alliances between Gandalf and Sauron becomes a task akin to navigating the Middle East. As usual, Trump is confident in his ability to mediate because, naturally, no one knows middles, or so he claims, better than him. How would he handle the dark powers of Sauron, or the ally that is Saruman, who apparently couldn’t resist the temptation of the dark side?
Throughout this comedic journey, Trump critiques Saruman for trying to persuade him with the promise of billions if he joined the dark side. However, Trump would have none of it, dismissing the wizard with those straightened locks as a “weirdo.” His instincts tell him Saruman’s future is doomed to become a mess, something Trump prides himself on predicting. After all, who better to talk about disastrous ends than the commander-in-chief, lending a humorous spin on the narrative?
But Trump’s biggest beef seems to be with Gandalf. Despite the wizard’s celebrated status, Trump can’t help but point out Gandalf’s shortcomings. His inability to do a pull-up seems oddly relevant here, showcasing Trump’s knack for unconventional critiques. Trump’s real grievance, however, is Gandalf’s failure to seek his wisdom from the beginning. If only Gandalf had come to him, Trump argues, the magical ring would have found its way into a stealth bomber. Flying high above Mordor, it would fall undetected, swiftly ending Sauron’s threat once and for all.
As the ring winds up in the hands of a shoeless hobbit, this comical tale wraps up with Trump expressing confidence that a deal is near, with Marco—presumably Rubio—now on the ground in Middle-earth. It’s a funhouse mirror of reality, an entertaining snapshot of what crossing one of the most incredible fantasy universes with political life might resemble, all delivered with a tongue-in-cheek nod to Trump’s larger-than-life persona.
