Staff Reports
Donald Trump has stirred the pot again, this time promising to unveil the details regarding the assassination attempts against him during his 2024 campaign. The Bass Pro Shop of political transparency, also known as the Oval Office, served as the stage for Trump’s latest announcement. He’s had it up to here with the folks in charge of keeping the public in the dark about the attempts on his life. Apparently, waiting seven months for an explanation is stretching it just a bit too far, even for his typically patient supporters.
In a scene fitting for a political film, a Fox News correspondent took the opportunity to prod Trump about the timeline on these reports, quite rightly asking why the public remains in the dark about the “guy who shot you in the ear.” Trump’s response cut to the chase; after all, it’s hard to pin this one on Biden. Instead, Trump pushed for some semblance of accountability, suggesting that the information should have been released ages ago. He indicated that a detailed report would drop soon, because why wouldn’t Americans want to know the juicy details about someone trying to take out their favorite president?
The two assassination attempts Trump faced in 2024 were nothing short of dramatic. The first one played out at a campaign rally in Butler, Pennsylvania, where a young gunman, Thomas Matthew Crooks, decided it was “open season” on Trump. A single bullet struck Trump in the ear, injuring him and tragically costing one rally attendee their life. Trump’s saving graces came in the form of Secret Service agents, who took rapid action and neutralized Crooks faster than a pizza delivery at a college dorm. A subsequent bipartisan Senate report showed what we all suspected: technical failures and security lapses were part of the mix, raising eyebrows and questions about the whole security operation.
The second attempt was set amidst the lush greens of Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach, where another would-be assassin, Ryan Wesley Routh, was discovered lurking to enact his dastardly deeds. Thanks to the vigilant eyes of a Secret Service agent, Routh’s ambitions were curtailed, but not without a wild chase that ended in his capture. Yet, with a preliminary trial scheduled for September 2025, it seems this story is far from over. Moreover, Routh managed to impress everyone by carrying six cell phones with him. If that doesn’t scream “guy who watches too much television,” what does?
HOT DAMN: Trump Drops Bombshell About His Would-Be Assassins: ‘I’ll Be Releasing It’ https://t.co/Jv6aCi8Nmi. #DiamondandSilk
— Diamond and Silk® (@DiamondandSilk) March 7, 2025
Instead of focusing on the missed opportunities from various government agencies, Trump keenly pointed out some bizarre patterns in the backgrounds of these suspects. One had three apps apparently linked to foreign entities and a top-tier law firm, which is quite a curious background for a guy dressed like he rolled out of a bargain bin. The second suspect’s cell phone collection raised red flags for Trump, leading him to wonder whether there’s more here than meets the eye.
True to form, Trump threw in a dollop of his signature humor, praising the Secret Service’s performance while questioning all manner of security failures that might have let these attempts slip through the cracks. While he remains open to sharing what he learns with the public, he also cautioned that some details might be withheld for security purposes. Because nothing settles the nerves of the American people like a little mystery surrounding potential political assassinations. Trump’s decision to release the report is bound to stir the pot even further, as the issues of security lapses and potential political motivations bubble to the surface—yet again, exposing the tangled web of governmental incompetence.
