Staff Reports
Tensions between the United States and North Korea have been heating up like a sizzling hot plate of freedom fries. Just when the Biden administration thought they had enough on their plate, a new problem came knocking at their door. Well, not exactly knocking. More like crossing the border uninvited. It turns out that a 23-year-old American soldier named Travis King decided to take a little detour from South Korea and waltz right into North Korea like he owned the place. Talk about having a serious case of misplaced patriotism!
A U.S. National on a JSA orientation tour crossed, without authorization, the Military Demarcation Line into the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK). We believe he is currently in DPRK custody and are working with our KPA counterparts to resolve this incident. pic.twitter.com/a6amvnJTuY
— United Nations Command 유엔군사령부/유엔사 (@UN_Command) July 18, 2023
This troublemaker Travis King has a rap sheet longer than the line at a buffet on Thanksgiving. First, he allegedly punched a man in the face, which is never a good way to win friends and influence people, unless you’re trying to join a boxing club. Then, he allegedly caused about $460 worth of damage to a South Korean police car while hurling expletives and spit at law enforcement. I guess he thinks he’s starring in his own action movie, where the hero gives zero shrimps about the law. Unfortunately for him, this isn’t Hollywood, it’s real life.
To make matters worse, when King was supposed to return to the United States to face the music, he decided to pull a Houdini and escape from the airport. Who does he think he is, James Bond? Maybe he thought he could just stroll past airport security without anyone noticing, but security was like, “Not today, buddy!” But instead of kicking King to the curb, he managed to slip away and head straight for the DMZ, the Demilitarized Zone that separates North and South Korea. It’s like he was trying to win the award for “Most Wanted Tourist.”
Witnesses at the DMZ thought King was just playing a dumb prank for TikTok, because what else could explain such a boneheaded move? I mean, who rushes across the border into a highly sensitive area for some online fame? Clearly, King didn’t get the memo that crossing the border without permission is a big no-no. If stupidity was a crime, this guy would be serving a life sentence.
Now, King’s mom is coming to his defense, saying she “can’t see Travis doing anything like that.” Well, maybe she needs to open her eyes a little wider, because her son just pulled off a grand tour of bad decisions. And let’s not forget that this isn’t the first time an American has been caught in the clutches of North Korea. Remember Otto Warmbier? Yeah, he tragically died there after being arrested. It’s about time we stop sending our citizens over to North Korea like they’re on a one-way ticket to a dystopian nightmare.
Overall, this whole ordeal just goes to show that there are some people who need a lesson in common sense. If Travis King wanted an adventure, he should have just gone to Disneyland like a normal person. But no, he had to go and venture into the dangerous world of international incidents. Maybe he should consider a career change. I hear the DMZ is hiring professional human barricades.
