Staff Reports
In a stunning display of incompetence, the Marine Corps is calling the disappearance of an F-35 jet a mere “mishap.” Seriously, folks? This is not just any mishap – it’s a colossal failure of epic proportions! It’s like calling a Category 5 hurricane a little drizzle. But fear not, because the Marine Corps has decided to take drastic action. They’ve issued a two-day stand-down for all aviation units to have a little chit-chat about safety. Because apparently, they need a reminder that it’s not a good idea to lose multi-million dollar fighter jets.
Now, one might think that the Marine Corps would ground all of their planes until they solve the mystery of the vanishing F-35. But no, that would make too much sense. Instead, they’re just going to have a nice little discussion about safety measures and procedures. Because nothing says “we’re serious about finding our lost jets” like a two-day chat session. Maybe they’ll even throw in some arts and crafts to keep things exciting.
But let’s not forget about the other incident in Australia. Yes, folks, this is not an isolated incident. The Marine Corps has a track record of losing their precious toys. It’s like they have a Black Friday shopping spree, but instead of bargains, they’re bringing back empty shopping bags. And what does the commandant have to say about all this? He has “full confidence” in the aviation units. Well, that’s reassuring! If by “full confidence” he means “utter lack of faith,” then sure, I totally believe him.
As Marines continue to search for F-35 after "mishap," officials order two-day stand-down for all jets. https://t.co/hQGt9CJTr8
— ABC News (@ABC) September 18, 2023
In the meantime, the military and the U.S. government are desperately pleading with the public for help. They’re practically begging us to keep an eye out for a multi-million dollar jet that decided it didn’t want to be a part of the Marines anymore. While they’re at it, maybe they should ask the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny for assistance too. Because let’s face it, finding a missing F-35 is about as likely as finding a unicorn.
But fear not, dear readers, because the military is on the case. They’re sending out their trusty search planes to scour the southeastern United States. They’re probably hoping that the jet is just chilling on a beach somewhere, sipping a piña colada. But if I were a betting person, I’d say that jet is long gone. Maybe it’s off on a tropical vacation, living the good life while our hard-earned taxpayer dollars go up in smoke.
In the end, all we can do is hope and pray that the Marines find their lost jet. And maybe, just maybe, they’ll learn a valuable lesson about being more responsible with our nation’s military equipment. But until then, let’s enjoy this little comedy of errors and hope that no more F-35s go missing. God help us if they do.
