Staff Reports
The Department of Defense had some juicy gossip to share on Monday. A senior official at a NATO summit last year showed signs of the mysterious “Havana syndrome.” You know, the wacky illness that some American diplomats and spies have been mumbling about since 2016. The news said that the wobbly official wasn’t even part of Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin’s gang that trotted off to Vilnius, Lithuania. What a squealer!
US defense official had 'Havana syndrome' symptoms during a 2023 NATO summit, the Pentagon confirms https://t.co/s0nFDB6xP5
— The Associated Press (@AP) April 1, 2024
The Intelligence Community has been doing some serious head-scratching to figure out who’s behind this Havana syndrome shenanigans. Senator Marco Rubio, the vice chair of the Senate Intelligence Committee, told the Washington Examiner that the Intelligence Committee still has its detective hats on, trying to solve the puzzle. It’s like a real-life game of Clue, but without the fun.
Apparently, those nerdy federal health folks refer to the Havana syndrome symptoms as “anomalous health incidents.” We prefer calling it “the dizzy, headachy, vision-blurry, thinky-trouble sickness.” Rolls off the tongue better, don’t you think?
Now, the plot thickens! CBS’s 60 Minutes, along with the Insider and Der Spiegel, reported that Russia might have its sneaky paws in this mess. They linked a Russian military intelligence unit to the attacks. Can you believe it? It’s like a spy novel but with less martini-sipping and more confusion.
But hold on to your cowboy hats, because the State Department isn’t buying this Russian spy novel twist. They’re standing by the Intelligence Community’s whopper of a claim that it’s “very unlikely” a foreign baddie is responsible for this monkey business. Nuh-uh, they say. No way, Jose!
The White House also chimed in, saying, “We’re going to continue to do a comprehensive examination of the effects here that we’re seeing and the potential causes of AHI.” Translation: “We’re gonna keep poking around until we figure out who’s been making people feel icky.” It’s like an episode of Scooby-Doo, except with way less scooby snacks.
The Washington Examiner also mentioned that the National Institutes of Health did some snooping of their own for five whole years. They checked out more than 80 government employees and their families who were feeling wonky. But guess what? They couldn’t find any brain changes on MRI scans that could explain the Havana syndrome hullabaloo. It’s like a mystery wrapped in an enigma sprinkled with a dash of confusion.
So there you have it, folks! The Department of Defense is playing detective, the Russians are playing spy games, and the State Department and White House are scratching their heads. It’s like a real-life soap opera, and we can’t wait to see how this wild story unfolds. Stay tuned for the next episode of “The Havana Syndrome Chronicles!”
