Staff Reports
Ryan Ralph, who is not exactly famous for using his common sense, was caught planning some seriously outrageous schemes against none other than Donald Trump. In what can only be described as a real-life attempt to become a cartoon supervillain, Ralph hatched plans involving rifles, armor, and even rocket-propelled grenades.
While many in the media have given this story a quiet corner on page twenty, it’s the sort of thriller we only thought existed in paperback novels. Ralph not only attempted to take shots at Trump but had also ventured into the theatrical: actually getting into a shootout at Trump’s golf course! Of course, this resulted in Ralph getting a one-way ticket to a life sentence, plus 84 months for good measure. It’s quite the punishment menu, and one he’ll be dining on for the rest of his days.
Ryan Ralph, a known Joe Biden voter, seemed to forget the art of remorse. During his trial, instead of an apology or some tearful regret, he boldly chose to stand by his actions. He expressed more interest in confronting Trump face-to-face rather than expressing any regret. The only time he showed any real energy in court was when he attempted to stage his own anti-climactic exit with a pen. Ralph seemed to have watched too many prison escape films, reckoning with his fate dramatically in the courthouse, only to be thwarted by, of course, the quick-thinking security.
This story leaves you wondering why certain folks with prominent soapboxes out there are unusually silent about assassination plots against Trump. When Hollywood actors and extreme bloggers parade around with “resistance” badges, one might expect a more unified condemnation for such extreme actions, yet crickets seem to be louder these days. Oh, the irony of the selective outrage! It makes you wonder if the outrage generator has run out of steam or if it’s mysteriously targeted only towards certain political figures.
The Florida courts, bless them, proved there’s at least one place where reason still prevails over political scuffles. Ryan Ralph’s case was handled justly, and now he will get to ponder his life choices behind bars. It’s a breath of fresh air, considering that too often we see the activist crowd trying to blur the lines of what constitutes justice. This was a textbook decision that reassures us some parts of the system still work just as they should—cuckoo plans and all.
